April 22, 2022 - EyeClarity Podcast
Sam joined Heidi Townshend to discuss the meaning of love on her podcast So, What Were You Wearing. Sam shares a vulnerable time in his life that led him onward with his search for true love. He was on the leading edge of his personal growth as he sought a love relationship that could last a lifetime. Listen in to Sam’s unique and fantastic story of fierce dedication to relationship and love, plus his own words of wisdom. Enjoy the show. If you want more, sign up for my newsletter at: www.drsamberne.com.
So, What Were You Wearing Podcast | Website | Instagram | YouTube | Email: heidi@heiditownshend.comÂ
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
charlie, sam, marriage, friends, relationship, married, growth, committed, love, commitment, date, new mexico, viewers, dance, met, called, heart-centered, learned, developed
Hello, everyone, it’s Dr. Sam, I’d like to welcome you to my EyeClarity podcast. This is a show that offers cutting-edge information on how to improve your vision and overall wellness through holistic methods. I so appreciate you spending part of your day with me. If you have questions, you can send them to hello@drsamberene.com. Now to the latest EyeClarity episode.
00:48
Welcome everyone to So, What are you Wearing? I’m your host Heidi Townshend. And we are so excited today we have a very special guest who is a dear friend of mine. And his name is Dr. Sam Berne. He’s joining us today all the way from New Mexico. However, he is in Los Angeles at this time. So, Sam, welcome to our show. And please introduce yourself to our viewers.
01:18
Hey, Heidi, thanks for having me on your podcast. So I am Dr. Sam Berne, known as Dr. Sam. And I have a health and wellness brand, holistic eye doctor and social media influencer entrepreneur teacher. And yeah, I’m in Los Angeles this week doing some promotional works and filming. Seeing your brother who I love and seeing you. We’ve just been having a great time. And yeah, I’m really excited to be on the show and interested in what you’re gonna ask me.
01:57
Fantastic, Sam, we are so excited to have you here. And my brother is excited that you’re on the show as well. So you know, we know, Joshua, he’s fantastic. Yeah. So so this show, I know you do a lot of different shows. And you are so out in the public eye right now, which is fantastic. And this one in particular, called so what were you wearing is about how you met the love of your life. And so that’s where we’re going to be going today. And let me start off with just a very preliminary question. But so important for us as the viewers to kind of get a sense of what was going on in your life when, you know, at that time. So even taking us back a few years, take us back as long as you wish. But just give us the context of your life during those circumstances before you tell us how the two of you met.
02:57
Well, it was a pretty turbulent time. I mean, there was a lot of transformation going on. So I had moved to New Mexico, maybe like two years before, and I was actually going to get married to somebody else. And it’s very humbling to say that she called off the wedding. And that was really at the time shocking and painful. I mean, it was it was yes. But you know, you know what, actually what happened was is that I saw it not right then but maybe about a year later. Yeah, I saw that. It was the biggest gift that she gave me because if I had married her, we would have been divorced in like six months. It was just one of those relationships. It was a long distance relationship.
And she was in Canada and I was in New Mexico. And anyways, so I was processing that. And I had I was in a men’s group. So I had a group of guys, and we’d meet once a week. And they helped me quite a bit. So anyways, what happened was is that that summer, I went to a dance camp, and Maine, you know, and it was, it was it was a lot, a lot of great fun. And, you know, it was kind of it was getting me out of the grief that I was in and you know, I’m a pretty fun guy. So doing a lot of contact improv and a lot of dance, you know, different kinds of dances, and, you know, meeting on a really cool people. So that I was coming off that and I we came home from New Mexico, the end of the summer, and I had a patient of mine. Her name was Winnie Bauer. And when he said to me, Hey, Sam, you know, I’m having this birthday party. Why don’t you come you know, be really great, you know? So I, I had a friend of mine who we were just very softly dating. And so I said when he would it be okay if I, you know, bring a date and she had like a strange look on her face like, well, I guess that would be okay. And there was a hole, there was a whole agenda going on that I didn’t know, which I found out later. And so I’ll tell you what that was. So when he had a really good friend, who was her name was Charlie, and when he wanted to fix us up, but when he was a patient of mine, and she really respected boundaries, and so she said, Oh, invite Sam to the party. And then I’ll introduce Charlie, to Sam, but I was with another date. And of course, I didn’t know anything. So yeah, so I show up at the at the party with your date with the right date, I had no idea. You know, so tell
06:03
us tell us where is this birthday party? Is it at your friend’s house?
06:07
Or? Yeah, so my friend when he married this really cool guy, Richard. And he had, he’d killed it in business. He was an entrepreneur. So he had this amazing house, and Suzuki New Mexico, which is just north of Santa Fe, and it’s, it’s kind of one of the wealthiest areas of of Santa Fe. So it was in this amazing house, palatial house. And you know, I always loved going there. Because Richard and I were kind of friends, you know, friendly. And so I, you know, drive up and they’re all these cars. It’s a big party, and it’s a birthday party for Winnie. So I walk in and my date, she goes, his I’m gonna go get a drink. And there’s this really nice lady sitting on the couch, nice woman on the couch. And I walk over to her, and I start tuning into her energy. And I said, wow, this person is really nice. And we just kind of connected right away. It was my, my future wife, Charlie. So here, it’s come kind of weird, because I’m with, you know, my date. And it’s like, oh, wow, I’m really connecting with this woman. She’s beautiful. And so my date comes in.
And I said to Charlie, you know, I gotta I gotta go be with my date. And Charlie knew this person. So the setup was, everybody knew that. I was gonna be set up, except me. She did. She didn’t. Well, not at the beginning. But I think she started because then what happened was, you know, I went into the kitchen, and I was getting some food, and Charlie came in. And so we have this, like, like, this magnetic connection, you know, we’re, we’re visiting. And she says to me, you know, I’m a professional musician, and I’m, I’m gonna be doing a concert tomorrow night at the end of the Anasazi hotel, I would like you to be my guest. And I’m going, Wait a minute, She’s inviting me on a date. I’m on another date. And when he’s like, in the corner guy, God. So I said, Yeah, definitely. You know, I’m not serious with my friend. That’s just, you know, she’s just a buddy of mine. So, so that’s what happened. So the next night, I went to the, to the her concert, and then we had tea afterwards. And that was the end of story. You know, we ended up hooking up and getting married, and I’ve been with Charlie for over 25 years and going strong.
08:47
Wow, Sam, so tell us. I mean, not that obviously, the energy is what connected the two of you. Do you remember at all what you were wearing on them night?
08:58
Well, I remember what I was wearing. And I remember what Charlie was wearing. So first, what she was wearing, she was wearing this really cute outfit, and she’s just, she’s a beautiful woman. And I was like, Wow, this dress is amazing. And it was very colorful, and it just fit her really well. And it really caught my eye when I got you know, when I walked into Winnie’s living room, and here she is sitting on the couch. And so that was one thing for me. You know, I’ve been to this dance camp and there was a t shirt that I had on called Dance New England, dn D and it’s a big you know, camp in Maine. So I had this D and E on and it Charlie was like, wow, you went to dance camp. You know, that’s really cool. D and E and, you know, I had the shorts on and I was looking good. You know, I I have to say. So it was. It was great that I wore that T shirt because it was kind of a Have a opener in terms of conversation and Charlie loves to dance. So, you know, it was just an opening remark, but I had no idea. The scheming, weenie, and Charlie
10:16
kept you there. And then you come with a date. So when did your brains start to click and go, Hey, wait a second, was it your evening? Or was it later than
10:28
I put to one side? Yeah, I put two and two together. And one of my other friends who was there said, you know, this is kind of a setup, you know, and I was like, Well, I wish they would tell me because I am totally out of the loop. I honestly, I had no idea. And sometimes I get into the social situations where things are going on. And I’m the last to know. And believe me, I was the last to know. And it was like, you know, I’m going to this party. And when he has been talking about me to Charlie, for like, six months, and like, Oh, my God, this guy’s amazing. And you guys should connect, and her former boyfriend was named Sam. So that was, that was a whole other thing.
So you know, I found that out later. But it was just one of these magical things that connected us immediately. And it wasn’t like this, you know, how sometimes you meet somebody and there’s this like magnetic sexual chemistry, it wasn’t like that it was more of like, oh, my, I’m feeling my heart, I’m feeling energy here. And it was very different than the woman that I had been engaged to, because that we met, you know, at omega Institute at this, you know, spiritual workshop. And it was a lot of chemistry. And it was a real learning for me about being attracted to somebody in relationship that was more on a heart centered level, not a sexual level, but a heart centered level. And that was really, that was really a growth moment for, for me, maybe for Charlie to I don’t know, you’d have to ask her. But there was this just attraction on a heart centered level first. And then later on, you know, we developed our relationship, but but I’ll tell you, one of the things that I did, I mean, I was a little shell shocked. So we started to get involved. And I said,
12:32
you know, ask you, you were shocked about
12:35
about that. But the last relationship, you know what happened right? Now wanting to get committed. And I said, you know, it might be a good idea if we go do some couples character therapy, before we get married, and she was like, Oh, I’m all in on that. And that, that was really helpful to me, because we got to know we know each other and our communication styles. And that that was, that was kind of like my insurance policy, to just go okay, I need to know, full disclosure here, what’s going on? And, of course, that that worked out well. And, you know, it all worked out. So
13:13
yeah. And just for our viewers so that they can learn, potentially, like you have learned, were there any rough patches during this time, that, you know, just kind of needed some extra attention or needed a little, you know, a way of working together to be able to move forward? Or was it just smooth sailing the whole time?
13:36
No, I mean, it was in the big picture. It was smooth sailing. I mean, you know, whenever you get into a committed relationship, as you know, there’s going to be different different needs, and you know, learning how to communicate in a way where you’re not blaming the other person, or you’re taking responsibility for your, for your own feelings. And both of us were really fiercely I’m using the word fiercely dedicated and committed to making the relationship work. So we created a very safe container saying, Okay, we are committed. And now within that commitment, things are gonna get hard, you know, when you commit, this is when the hard stuff comes up. And I can tell you being with Charlie for 25 years, there have been moments when it’s been challenging, you know, and very humbling for me, because we’re mirrors for each other. But, you know, it’s part of the growth and I think I use marriage as a spiritual practice.
You know, it’s, it’s, it’s like, it’s a way I kind of developed myself and my, I mean, again, I don’t want to speak for Charlie but you know, I really use As a way to see my, my shortcomings and the places where where, you know, I could communicate better. But what we offer each other is a stability and a commitment. And I can say death do us part, you know, I know, that’s it no matter what happens. I know that this is it. This is the one this is it. And, you know, in terms of our being being with Charlie, and she feels that way to me. So that’s very powerful to to know that. And then within that, yeah, some days are really hard. I mean, it’s, you know, you know how it is. So, but, yeah,
15:43
I think you really hit on it with, though with your marriage as a spiritual practice that is just poignant in that. How do you, you know, walk the path. And there’s so many different spiritual practices. And this one is, I mean, between the two of you, and that you’re both Yeah. Yeah,
16:01
exactly. And, you know, we’ve got families, you know, my family, Charlie’s family, and we all go through a lot. And so it’s a tribe, and it’s a community and it’s, I’m grateful to have such a community. And there you go. I mean, it’s thanks. Yeah, sayings. Yeah,
16:22
yeah, no, that’s just really that you two have been together for 25 years says a lot. I mean, that’s just that you are committed and you’re there for each other. Marriage is a spiritual practice is I mean, that’s the first time I’ve heard that. And it’s just, it’s phenomenal. What can come from that, with both being committed to this practice and the growth, I would imagine that comes from
16:49
an incredible end, you know, some of the business things that I do and professional things that I do, there is no way that I could do the same thing without having her stability and support. You know, because, at least in terms of the social media, I’m the public figure. And I’d never talk about her. This is unusual for me. But in this case, I would a little bit, but she’s much more private. She doesn’t even go on social media. But as a as an artist, and a musician, there is a public side to her where she is, you know, played for the symphony and performed. And she’s a fabulous performer. She’s kind of moved away from that at this stage. But what we do together now is we sometimes will play African music. And there’s a big West African community in Santa Fe. And so every now and then, well, lately, the last couple of months, we’ve been sitting in and jamming on Thursday night, and she’s a wonderful musician, professionally trained flutist, but artists poet, Mystic, she’s, she’s fantastic. So great to have an artist in the family. And it’s fun,
18:03
just sounds so rich. It just sounds like we’re this sweet and rich experience. Yeah. So for no, that’s just to be able to share at that level is very tender, and very creative. And so for our viewers, how would you help them and just, you know, as far as guidance that you could provide, so that they too could follow this path that you’re on? And that, you know, you and your wife have found to be something that is really nurturing and allows for both of your growth?
18:38
Yeah, well, that’s a that’s a really good question. I think in some ways, it’s, it’s a bit individual, but but I would say generally speaking, to, you know, have respect for the other person. You know, figure out what the communication styles that work and what don’t work, you know, really dig deep in terms of the commitment and you know, when you first meet somebody, it’s not just about the chemical reaction, the chemistry, the sexual chemistry that actually should come later. It’s more about you know, the heart centered, what do we have in common? What can we do to support the other’s growth, you know, like, not just, it’s not just about me in the relationship, but it’s about us. And we each have our own individual journey that we need to follow for sure. And then we have the life of the marriage as well.
And continually defining what is love you know, what love it love is not necessarily a chemical reaction, but so many things. It could be love, or it could be respect. It could be you know, acceptance, it could be there’s a lot of things we we talk about what is love a lot and you know, she is I studied the Sufi tradition quite a bit, and reads a lot of Rumi poetry. So you know, really talks a lot about what is love. And I was in a spiritual group for a long time and my spiritual teacher, we, we really explored what love is, from a non chemical level, but just, you know, a lot of different things. And just understanding that, you know, you make the commitment, and that’s when things get hard and to keep developing your own personal growth and your own personal development. Because I see this in couples where, you know, one, one part of the couple of one partner is doing therapy or doing some personal growth, and the other one isn’t doing anything. And that creates a dead relationship, you know, and we want things to stay alive and dynamic.
And the only way to do that is to keep coming back and being vulnerable, sharing, you know, deeply and, you know, understanding that sometimes it’s going to be challenging, and that’s part of the, that’s part of the deal. And, but there’s something really rewarding when you’re in a long term relationship, when it works. And you know, it’s it’s work, it’s definitely, we have to attend to it, you have to continually water the garden, so to speak, it’s not something that just, it just, you know, goes on its own because it will, it will die. And you see this in marriages. And so anyway, that’s, that’s my short answer. It’s not, I’m not a trained therapist, psychologist in the area of couples therapy, but that’s what I’ve learned as a, you know, somebody that’s been involved for a long time,
21:46
that’s been involved for a long time, and to keep redefining love is where they hurt and to be vulnerable. Yeah, to be, you know, take that place of vulnerability so that you can learn and grow. And I think also important, you’d mentioned that both parties need to be engaged in their own growth, so that there’s no library fullness to the relationship. Right. That’s beautiful. Boy, Sam, thank you, I think, words of wisdom for our viewers. So hey,
22:18
right on,
22:20
right on, you know, so appreciate you being vulnerable to share with us because I know it sounds like it’s very private, which it is. And it shouldn’t be. And it is private commitment. And then hearing, especially in light of your first situation where it didn’t work out, you know, just the marriage, as you’re saying, Thank God didn’t go forward, but then being able to step into something that was good for you, and to navigate those waters. So I think you’ve really offered that lesson to people that have tried, and maybe it hasn’t worked out. And then you’re actually being very successful through your vulnerability and commitment to the marriage. So,
23:04
you know, one of the things I learned about this, this process is that, you know, when it didn’t work out with, with a girl from Canada, from then on, I was gonna introduce any girlfriend to all of my friends. Ah, and they would have to sign off on it. Because I had poor judge, I didn’t trust my judgment. So I remember one of my friends said to me, when I was going to marry this cow from Canada, he’s like, Well, I think it’s a mistake. I don’t think you should do it. You know what, I’m not even gonna buy the airplane ticket, because I don’t think it’s gonna happen. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he did. And I said, Well, you know, you might be right. But I need to go through this experience. And lo and behold, you know, when she called me up and said, You know, I can’t get married. And I call them he said, See, I told you this. So then I introduced him to Charlie, and he was like, yes. And all my friends. And all my male friends, especially in Santa Fe, introduced her to them and they were like, yeah, she’s, she’s got it. She’s, she’s a good match for you. So that’s for anybody out there. You know, if you’re thinking about getting married, introduce them to your friends. And, you know, if they’re really good friends, and they’re honest with you, they’ll give you the straight answer on whether or not this is a good match and listen to them. save yourself a lot of pain and suffering. So you don’t have to go through what I went
24:42
through. That’s great. You’ve given us the straight scoop.
24:45
Yeah, yeah.
24:48
Through living living the hard the hard challenges. Yeah, their sides. So yeah, be sure you talk to your friends. And that probably could go for girlfriends or marriage or you You know,
25:00
anybody girlfriends boyfriends, I accept it all. So whatever. Gay Straight lesbian, yeah, doesn’t matter. So I just, I, but I definitely vote for marriage if it’s, you know, the right situation because I think it’s, it’s wild when I have personal growth and companionship and fun. And I’ll the whole the whole thing, it’s it’s really, you know, if you find the right person, go for it. And if you don’t, you know, being alone is just fine. I remember again, when when that marriage that wedding didn’t happen, being alone and being on my own was very, very therapeutic for me. And, you know, be patient for the right thing to come along.
25:44
Mm hmm. That’s another good lesson for sure. Because, yeah, taking something just because you’re alone isn’t a good answer. I mean, it’s just not the solution at all, and that you deserve the best and to have a rewarding and fulfilling relationship, marriage, you know, whatever it is that fills your soul, right? Yes, exactly. Yeah. Oh, this has been so wonderful and exciting to hear, or do you have any final thoughts or words that you want to share? And you’ve already shared so much, but you know, anything that? Well, I
26:18
would leave you with one. One question and that is, what does love mean to you? And that would be a great curiosity, question dwelling on you know, what is love what is love to you? And, you know, because we have so many cultural meanings, so many religious meanings, family meanings, but to be able to develop what is love and, you know, to really that that might give you some clarity on you know, attracting a partner that, you know, will match you in a way that’s going to be fulfilling.
27:07
What is love is the question Great, we will post that along with your interview so they can ponder that and really come to their soul meaning for that. Thank you. You’re welcome, Heidi, in a rich experience.
27:23
You’re welcome. Great to spend time with you. And good luck to you and, and your future.
27:28
Thank you. Thank you, Sam. Bye now.
27:31
Bye bye.
Thank you for listening. I hope you learned something from the EyeClarity podcast show today. If you enjoyed the episode, make sure to subscribe on iTunes or Spotify and leave a review. See you here next time.
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